you have character!

After months of absence, here I am again trying to scribble a paragraph or two, of my thoughts.

A topic that has been in my mind of late = character. A very interesting subject – the fact that each and everyone of us has our own unique character.   We all know that  characters can already be seen or distinguished from small, however, the  more notable arguments actually suggested that character is  developed  over time. I can relate to this.

Time is crucial in defining a character. A person can act out of character for instance a person with bad character can do a good thing; those with good character can do bad things. Character it seems, is formed between 12 and 20 years of age. I cringe when I think back about  what experts say about “healthy choice for a parent to stay home from job or career if possible during these times, because unsupervised youngsters can form habits and friendships that can prove very destructive over time”. I cringe because there is no certainty that we or rather I would be able to do that. I hope I would be able to. Then again, there are always other angles to view this suggestion. So, what do we get? A different sets of ideas that debate this suggestion of course. There really is no clear cut as to what  is and what not.

No denying, it is always the best idea that a parent is there with their children, from birth up to teen years.  We may even be talking about years after …I would love to be able to do just that.

Advertisements

of quality time

I think this is a common issue with Moms who have more than one child.  My younger boy turned 11 months yesterday. His older brother is 6 years old.  Before my younger son was born, we were like two peas in a pod, well, sort of.  I take the effort to bring him to places he wants to go, explain to him things he doesn’t understand, and answer his questions – no short answers as in “I’m not sure”, “I think so”, “maybe”, etc.

Now, he often asks me why we don’t go to places anymore.  There were often times that I feel as though I don’t spend enough one on one time with him.  Of course, there are those times which I think are “quality” times for instance on the way to school and home Monday to Friday, on weekends while his little brother is asleep (or awake), and other mini-chats in between activities. many mini-chats in between – it’s just here and there.

But still ….when I see him playing with this toys, his favorite game or watching his favorite TV shows alone. I still feel …  A friend of mine said, “He’s 6 years old – he needs to learn to appreciate some time – for himself”. “Wow… really?”, I said.

I read about effects of having “quality” time with your children.  Sometimes, some reads shook me a little. Just picking out from what I read recently, a comment in one of the forums by “Suabel”’. Here’s what she said which comforted me.

Just jumping in, but I have three kids and worked part time through the school year.  I think “quality” time is overrated.  Most of my time is spent with all three kids.  We have lots of “quantity” time, and I try to make the most of it.  We chat in the car to swim practice; we joke around while doing the dishes, etc.

I really think that being available to your child is key.  The moments will happen.  As they get older, in my experience, you do start to separate from your kids.  It’s normal.  I try to make the most of my time with them, realizing that we may never have the intense bond we did when they were toddlers or preschoolers, because their horizons have expanded and it’s healthy for them to develop outside interests and relationships as well.

That said, I end up scheduling time with each of my daughters, to ensure that they get private time with me. Sometimes this is just a ten-minute bedtime chat, other times it’s a lunch out with mom.  We don’t spend a lot of money–the best activities are simple ones. My six-year-old loves to help me cook and sometimes I’ll let her choose the recipe and we get lots of good moments while involved in that.  Having a baby as well complicates matters, but certainly doesn’t preclude it.

When I had a young one, I’d pop her in the sling and go about my business with the big kids.  Generally the baby didn’t mind not getting my one-on-one, but the big girls did.

I only have two. I salute all Moms who have more.

Have a good week!

Establishing Limits With Your School-Age Child

Have not been writing much, rather bogged down with “things” but I came across the following and thought I’d record this here. My 6 year old loves to say no”, and can be quite demanding at times!

Here’s what WebMD has to say about establishing limits with kids:

Many children ages 6 to 10, if left to their own devices, would eat pizza 3 times a day, 7 days a week, or play video games for hours at a time. That is because they have not developed control over their drives and appetites, which can include cravings for specific foods, toys, and things, as well as for praise and attention.

Parents who set limits for their children show them that they love and care about them. The following suggestions may help you to establish fair and appropriate limits for your school-age children:

  • Be a hands-on parent and pay attention to what your children are doing. Are their activities harmful or dangerous? For example, do they consistently obey your safety rules while bicycling? Girls may not be as interested as boys are in taking obvious physical risks, but their activities also need to be monitored.
  • Get help in knowing what is right for your children’s developmental level. Seek movie and video reviews that rate violence and sexual content for families. Likewise, seek nutritional information on the food you buy for the family.
  • Set reasonable limits for your children, and spend time explaining those limits. Family rules and the consequences of breaking those rules should be well established and understood.
  • Be ready to reassess limits. As children mature, they will continually outgrow some limits. You might ask your 6-year-old child not to leave his or her own yard when playing outside. By age 10, your child may be responsible enough to play within a larger defined area, such as your cul-de-sac or block. Most children can appreciate the idea that they will be able to do more activities when they are older. When considering expanding your children’s limits, it may be helpful to discuss specifics as a family and give the children a voice in the process. This can help your children to feel that their opinions are important and develop confidence that their good behavior will be rewarded. Eventually, when your children are ready, you can give them the opportunity to set their own limits and, in doing so, teach them self-control.

You can also help your children develop healthy habits by being a good role model. Your everyday actions greatly influence your child’s behavior.

of blogging and stuff

r e c a l l i n g    c a n    b e    q u i t e    t r i c k y :)

I have not been writing as much as I used to.  I have been lazy. Period.  Still, I hope to pick up as I do like scribbling down my thoughts! As a child, I wondered why my Dad wrote in a journal daily, often just a few sentences about the weather,  visits, etc. I understand now. We write to remember.

Those few sentences I wrote years ago help me to remember things for instance when Ian learned to ride his bicycle for the first time or  how he first communicated with friends and the like. If not journalized (now it’s blogged!), I wouldn’t have remembered what exactly transpired just before Valentine’s Day  two years ago:

“As soon as we reached home, he got off the care very quickly. Seconds later, he rushed back to me,  no pants on. He pulled my hands while saying, “Mommy, come! Help me turn on the lights. I want to go to the toilet.  I want to pass urine”.  During the ride home, he whined, he rushed me, etc. Only then I realized what the whining was all about!  It was rather amusing…gave him a BIG hug! . Our little prince is not little anymore, he’s about to ditch his diapers…. “

Posted on February 23, 2010

I have composed many posts in my head over the weeks and not taken the time to blog them.

Have a wonderful week ahead!